Here are our suggestions:
Your blog is so stupid Rosie O’Donell made fun of it in free verse on her blog.
Your blog is like a sausage patty: no links.
Your blog is so boring Nick Denton wants to pay you $1000 a month not to write.
Your blog is like a pedestrian walkway: no traffic.
Your blog is so lame even Greg Lindsay refused to write for it.
Your blog is like Martha Stewart during her trial for securities fraud: no comments.
Your blog is so ugly Matt Drudge sent you an e-mail offering to help you redesign it “so it’s more aesthetically pleasing.”
Your blog is like the intensive care unit after 8 P.M.: no visitors.
Your blog is so self-indulgent Stephanie Klein sent you a box of tampons and a note that says, “Get over it.”
Your blog is so badly written it got you your own column at the New York Press.
Your blog is like Jason Kidd’s domestic situation after court-ordered anger-management classes: no hits.
Ouch. I winced at a few of these.